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54. The Relationship Legacy of Trauma

In this week’s episode of The EMDR Doctor Podcast, we’re diving into something many people quietly relate to — the struggle to form or maintain friendships after trauma.

What happens when connection feels unsafe, or when friendship becomes more exhausting than fulfilling? And what does it really mean when someone says, “I don’t do friends”?

This episode unpacks how early relational wounds, social exclusion, and even subtle emotional injuries can shape how we connect with others as adults — and how EMDR therapy can help us rebuild safety, trust, and authenticity in our relationships.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

  • How early experiences of rejection, bullying, or conditional love can shape our adult friendships.

  • Why some people withdraw socially — not from preference, but from emotional exhaustion or fear.

  • The difference between solitude (a healthy choice) and isolation (a protective response to pain).

  • How EMDR helps untangle the past wounds that make connection feel risky.

  • The role of people-pleasing in friendships — and why healing may mean losing some unbalanced relationships along the way.

Key Highlights:

  • “I don’t do friends” is often not a preference — it’s a legacy of relational trauma.

  • EMDR helps reprocess painful memories of exclusion, betrayal, or bullying that shaped our sense of worthiness and belonging.

  • Healing people-pleasing patterns may temporarily change friendships — but it also creates space for healthier, mutual connections.

  • Neurodivergent individuals may find friendships draining due to masking or performance — EMDR can support self-acceptance and boundary setting.

  • True connection begins with authenticity — the ability to show up as ourselves without fear of rejection.

Resources Mentioned:

  • Dr. Lloyd’s Heal Your Past online EMDR program – Register at emdrdoctor.com.au/heal
  • Research on PTSD treatments and why EMDR is faster and more effective than traditional talk therapy for trauma

Contact and Feedback:

  • Interested in exploring EMDR for pregnancy-related anxiety, trauma, or physical symptoms? Reach out to Dr. Lloyd at emdrdoctor.com.au.
  • Note: This podcast provides general information and is not a substitute for individual medical advice. Always consult your healthcare provider for personalised recommendations.

Subscribe & Stay Connected:

  • Make sure to follow or subscribe so you never miss an episode. Each week, I dive into new and sometimes surprising ways EMDR can support healing — from easing anxiety to transforming how we respond to pain and stress.
  • See me in person over on my YouTube channel — it’s a great way to connect face-to-face, learn more about EMDR, and get a sense of how we might work together in therapy.
  • Each episode is packed with expert insights, real stories, and practical tools to help you on your path to recovery.

Join me, Dr. Caroline Lloyd, as we unpack trauma, explore the science of EMDR, and share real stories of recovery and resilience.